Apparently, You Can Beat a Dead Horse

Caitlin Flanagan by way of Time Magazine has given us yet another inane, inaccurate and downright insulting matrimaniacal article. A few highlights:

“There is no other single force causing as much measurable hardship and  human misery in this country as the collapse of marriage.” Hmmm…I can think of some other things causing human misery: Poverty, lack of affordable healthcare, the toxicity levels in our food and water, terrorism, war….feel free to add to this list, dear readers.

“…[I]n all cases, the kids living with both parents drastically outperform the others.” Bella DePaulo did a brilliant job of explaining how this is bullshit…for the 47,874th time!

Regarding lifelong marriage: “We want something like that for ourselves; we recognize that it is something of great worth, but we are increasingly less willing to put in the hard work and personal sacrifice to get there.” So unmarried couples are just phoning it in?

“A lasting marriage is the reward, usually, of hard work and self-sacrifice.” But how much of yourself do you have to sacrifice to make a marriage/relationship work? Eventually you can get to a point where you don’t recognize yourself anymore.

“What is the purpose of marriage? Is it…simply an institution that has the capacity to increase the pleasure of adults…[o]r is marriage an institution that still hews to its old intention and function: to raise the next generation…” Is it impossible for these people to imagine that many people just aren’t interested in raising children?

Basic translation of this piece: I am better than you because I am married with children. My life has more value than yours, you single barren sluts  and miserable welfare queens.

Anyone else tired of these Smug Married Suburban Soccer Bitches? I know I am.

Rate Your State Part 8: South Carolina

It’s a lovely story, really. Boy meets girl, boy marries and has kids with girl. Boy becomes Governor. Boy tells his staff he is going hiking, but really goes to South America for sex with his Argentine mistress.

The boy we are referring to is, of course, South Carolina Republican Governor Mark Sanford. Yes, marriage is sacred in The Palmetto State. Marriage is so “special” in South Carolina that no other family member, not related by blood, will inherit if there is no will. So if, God forbid, one of those lovely women from the Rosie Family Cruise HBO documentary (you know that adorable lesbian couple who were desperately trying to conceive via artificial insemination) were to die without a will, the other would be shit out of luck. They live in South Carolina.

Yes, The Palmetto State is indeed, heartless.

The way some South Carolinians behave, you’d assume they think they are still living in this time.

Reston Hospital Rocks!

No single shaming when I went in for my surgery last Friday! They let my boyfriend see me in the recovery area, and the doctor spoke with him like he was family (which he is !) after my procedure. No questions asked. It was sweet!

Props to Reston Hospital in Reston, Virginia for recognizing that we live in the mordern world where not everyone is married!

The Single Girl Slut Shame

I have had several gynecologists in my life. Seven to be exact. I will not reveal their names, but let’s review a few of them shall we:

There was Dr. Because-He-Was-My-Mom’s-Doctor. I didn’t really pick this one, as the name explains. He was a very cold, stately person with a comb-over and no sense of humor. Exactly the kind of guy you want working in your Nether region, right?

Dr. Tennessee: She was great, but had to leave the state I was living in at the time because she could no longer afford the malpractice insurance. She moved back to her home state of Tennessee.

Then there was Dr. I-Inherited-My-Practice-From-Daddy: She was a spoiled Long Island Princess who slut-shamed me in the worst way. I came in for a consultation for sterilization. First she would not even discuss it with me because she thought I was too young to know any better. Then I asked her about IUD’s and she said: “An IUD would not be right for you. There can be complications in patients that contract an STD when they have an IUD. Since you are single, you are likely to have a large amount of sexual partners over the next ten years.”

OK, say it with me: W….T….F….!?!?!

So Single = Disease-Ridden Slut? Apparently it does according to Dr. Inherited-My-Practice-From-Daddy.

And now we have my new OBGYN. Let’s call him Dr. Reasonable. When I visited him a few weeks ago for a sterilization consultation, he walked me through the two different procedures (tubal ligation vs. Essure), told me that Dr. Inherited-My-Practice-From-Daddy had been totally full of crap, and gave me an ultrasound to make sure I have no cysts, as that would complicate either procedure. By the way, if you ever have a chance to take an ultrasound tour of your girly parts, I would suggest doing it. It is fascinating! Although I find the process of reproduction to be more freaky Sci-Fi, rather than natural or miraculous, as others do. “Babies are a Miracle!” Maybe if you are post menopausal or your Uterus has hung a “No Vacancy” sign, but generally, babies tend to happen when you have unprotected sex. Nothin’ miraculous about it, honey.

In short, Dr. Reasonable did not judge me, but gave me accurate medical information and treated me with respect. He then told me to think about it and if I decided that I wanted to go through with the sterilization, he would be happy to do it for me. I have decided to think about it over the summer.

Medical treatment without judgment. Ah, the way life should be.

Anti-Marriage vs. Anti-Marital Privilege

I want to clarify something for those of you who may be new to the “Singles Rights” or “Unmarried Rights” Movement…or whatever we are calling it.

There is a difference between being Anti-Marriage and being Anti-Marital Privilege. I fall into the second category. I will attend a wedding of a good friend that I am invited to – I will be going to one in NYC this Labor Day. I am not anti-marriage anymore than I am anti-child simply because I do not have children.

I am simply opposed to the injustice of the unmarried (and the childfree) being demeaned, disregarded and forced to pay socially and financially simply because they do not fit into the standard heteronormative box. I want all adults and children to be valued equally regardless of what form their family takes.

Hope that is clear.

Rate Your State Part 7 – Maryland

Tracy Turnblad rocked the Corny Collins Show in “Hairspray”, which was set in Baltimore. Maryland has given us notable people such as Jada Pinkett Smith, Anna Deveare Smith (who portrayed National Security Adviser, Nancy McNally on “The West Wing” for 6 seasons), Supreme Court Justice Thurgood Marshall, Parker Posey, Matthew Weiner (creator of AMC’s “Mad Men”), and Billie Holiday.

A whopping 221 years after ratifying the Constitution on April 28, 1788, Maryland has made a few strides in relationship equality. The state provides  rights for domestic partners, but they are not nearly as comprehensive as other states. And needless to say, no protections for them when a partner dies without a will.

Haven’t given out hearts in a while – I’m getting ancy!

Go West….to Chicagoland – in Two Apartments!

This Fourth of July weekend I and my beloved will be taking a trip to Chicago. I haven’t been there since I was a little girl and I’m very excited about this trip. The purpose of our journey is two-fold: First – we both really need a vacation. Second, we are considering relocating in a couple of years and Chicago is at the top of our list of places to go. Neither of us are particularly enamered with the pace, the style, the people or the price ($$$!!!) of the DC Metro area.

He and I have been discussing whether we want to live together. I would not feel comfortable cohabitating in a jurisdiction where courts have looked unfavorably on unmarried domestic partnerships upon their dissolution. While a few cities in Illinois have domestic partnership registries and give city employees benefits, Illinois is an unfriendly state for the unmarried. Furthermore, the domestic partnership registries are not always open to heterosexual couples!!!! That crap drives me nuts.

Here is our conundrum, since neither of us want to marry, and I don’t want to cohabitate in an unfriendly state (he is not wild about living together generally), what do we do? Is it weird to relocate with a partner of 4 years and not live together? Hell no! What do relocating and living together have to do with each other? We both want to live in a new place, neither of us would be financially supporting the other and there are no children involved, so why not continue to live separately, but in a new place? And a cheaper place that would actually make independent living easier, rather than harder!

Who says that two people in a romantic relationship have to live together? Well, no one actually says that, but people get paranoid after they have been together for a few years and they are not living together (or married) yet. There are certain benchmarks – even among the unmarried – that your relationship is supposed to hit after a certian period of time. The Cult of Couplehood is so strong that even I have to remind myself from time to time that I am not like other people. There are no rules to this thing. Get together with your partner and come up with an arrangement that works… and then work it!

FYI – I have a married friend who lives in Florida: she and her husband have separate apartments.

The Prez of NOM Proves My Point…Again!

Here is the latest effort from the president of the National Organization for Marriage (NOM). With every day that goes by, fewer and fewer people believe marriage is the ideal, particularly for raising children.

I said it before and I’ll say it again: the legalization of gay marriage will strike a big blow in bringing down the marital privilege. It’s already happening.

Topic Expansion!

I have decided to expand my blog to include issues besides estate planning. From now on, I will also discuss bankruptcy issues, cohabitation, property ownership and will launch a new series: The Shame Game. In this series I will discuss ways that society shames and disparages the Unmarried – at work, in social settings and the like.

Be Amused. Be VERY Amused.

Rate Your State Part 6: “The People’s Republic of Massachusetts”

Prior to the above nickname evoking Communist China given to the Commonwealth by some conservatives, Massachusetts was home to the second President of these Unites States, John Adams. It is also home to the Kennedys and MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow, who shares a house in the Western part of the state wither her partner, Susan, in addition to an apartment they share in Manhattan. On February 6, 1788, Massachusetts ratified the U.S. Constitution and was the first state to abolish slavery and the first to allow same-sex marriage.

As progressive as the state seems, the words “domestic partner” are nowhere to be found in the intestate laws. You will find only the words “husband” and “wife.” Therefore the matrimaniacal fatwa against the unmarried types continues even in “Communist Massachusetts.” In what was previously known as the “Cradle of Liberty,” if you are not married and there is no will…there is no way. No love for the Bay State.