The Trouble with Single Childfree Women

They must be stopped. They are dangerous. American society has a fear of single childfree women. Can you really blame them?

Most people are under the impression that once a woman reaches a certain age (usually before 30), she is supposed to “settle down.” That is, she is to get married and get on with the baby-making. However, those who follow the settle-down advice often find themselves in a quandary. They wonder why adjusting to this supposedly perfect family life is so difficult. They wonder why the marital bliss that everyone promised would naturally flow their way has been so elusive. So what is the reason for all of this? According to this author, when a woman gets married and has children her life as she knows it is over. This is a life she has spent 5, 10, sometimes 20 years building. She loves her family, of course, but she begins to resent her husband and children for the unhappy state of her life. Because traditional family life is so over hyped, women are led to believe that NOTHING, not friends, volunteer work or a great career, can make them happier than marriage and children. The part they never mention is that some women are already happy. They have wonderful lives, they are financially independent and socially active and perfectly content. Some women are beginning to realize that they do not want marriage or children. They like their lives as they are.

It is these women that are dangerous. Because unlike other women, they cannot be shamed, blamed or tamed.

The culture demands that we tame independent women, but since we can’t brand them as witches and drown them anymore, we must find some other way to diminish their power. So we shame women by calling them sluts for having the audacity to take control of their own sex lives, to ask for sex when they want it and tell their partner how they want it. We shame women for using contraceptives and abortion, which allows them to enjoy sex without the consequence of motherhood. We scare them with the image of the old hag that grows old alone and tell them that they will never attract a good man if they keep having all that enjoyable sex and working at that fulfilling job that will never love them back. After the shame comes the blame. “Unhappy, little girl? It’s your fault. If you would just do what we say, get married, have the kids, and go broke buying clothing, beauty and diet products, you would be happy!!!” Single mothers get the brunt of this. Single motherhood is blamed for every social ill you can possibly imagine: crime, drug abuse, high school drop out rates, and low college attendance among certain populations (black people and poor people – which many believe are the same thing). The solution for the federal government is to coerce poor mothers into get married, while the Wedding Industrial Complex sells happily every after to the middle and upper class women.

Once women are shamed and blamed, they can more easily be tamed. The shame leads them to stop having free and active sex lives and focusing on those great careers. The blame leads women to look for husbands and mortgage their house to pay for the perfect wedding. And once women have been shamed and blamed into submission, they are tamed and are no longer a threat.

The single childfree woman is immune to this. She has no interest in marriage, so she is not shamed into thinking she will never find a husband if she has sex before marriage. She has no desire to mother so she cannot be blamed for society’s ills and will never be guilt tripped into marrying her child’s father simply because the government believes marriage is better. She will not quit the job she loves because she is made to feel guilty for working and paying another to care for her children during the day. She is truly free. She cannot be tamed. And she is not alone. As of the 2000 census, there are about 5.3 million of her.

Memo to The Patriarchy: Be afraid. Be very afraid.

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10 responses to “The Trouble with Single Childfree Women

  1. oh, I love this!

  2. Thanks April – I too was raised behind the Orange Curtain. Born in Torrance, raised in Laguna Hills…Yikes!

  3. Lovely!

    cheers,

    an unshamed, unblamed, untamed CF woman

  4. Wonderful! Right on, I’ve forwarded to all my troublemaking pals!

  5. Very very well written. How could ANYone be offended or otherwise irritated by this person’s well penned words?
    I’ve been searching for any one of these contemporary free thinking females all of my life. Well, those unmarried types with no children that is.
    I never realized that these attitudes have been actively discouraged in American society… I’m sorry ladies, but I have certainly not contributed.
    I’m that guy who you see going out to eat by himself: not so hideous looking, quiet, well mannered, and sincere. But usually alone.
    Socially ‘tarded? Not so much. Just not a rude loudmouthed dude hung up on country music, wrestling (or even real sports), or himself. Not arrogant, certainly not gay, but a free thinking male whom at one time felt that single white males with no children were those most victimized by insurance companies, the IRS, and society as a whole. Thank you for opening my eyes.

    Well Done,
    Some Guy

  6. bravo!!!
    indeed an accurate lucid & endearing account of childfrees like me..
    u make women proud : )
    cheers!

  7. Bravo! Just wanted to say that I find this to be a very compelling essay and 1000% true (the first 500% is a gimme because after all, we women are automatically discounted from birth). I’m single and childfree but not really because I wanted this from the beginning.

    I got married before I was 30 (so I checked that box). Unfortunately it was to someone who was married 3x before (don’t ask). He was a good sport and got a vasectomy reversal (he had his kids before he met me), but the insemination procedures didn’t work out. We were married for 6 yrs and then he passed away suddenly. I became a widow at 34.

    Fortunately I met a new guy soon after, and we became engaged within 2 yrs. Throughout the relationship I saw red flags popping up everywhere. But instead of running away from this guy, here I am 10 yrs later still living with him. I broke off the engagement, but getting him to realize that this relationship has no future has been extremely difficult.

    I am 44 now and I’ve resolved that I probably won’t have children, but I would like to find a STABLE (mentally and financially) man to share my life with. I just need to kick myself in the butt a little more I guess?

    I think that my self confidence and independent way of thinking may be scary to men, but then again, what opportunity do I have to do any real looking?

    To look at me , I’m not the Barbie Bimbo that many men fantasize about. I’m not the world’s largest or ugliest woman either. I own my own home and I have a decent job. I am not afraid to speak my mind. I’m mentally stable and I am social. I’ve never been on the wrong side of the law. I’m not into “bad boys”, loners or “mama’s boys”. I definitely don’t want to be mending someone’s broken heart or who at 45 or older is still trying to “find himself”. Oh yeah, midlife crisis sufferers need not apply either.

    Geez, do I sound overly demanding and are my “criteria” outrageous??

    I often want to ask guys who are either divorced or who are in terrible marriages how they decided to marry the person they did. They certainly didn’t give me a chance or a second look when I was younger. I’m thinking that maybe (if the opportunity should ever present itself where I meet someone in the future with this story) be as shallow as they were ever encounter an opportunity like this).

    Yes, this may sound bitter, but can you blame me?

    Single Guy — what say you?

  8. Hi,

    This is the great knowledge for today! I need to add your site to my favourite.

    Thanks again for your help 🙂

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